Caring for the World and Caring for Oneself

After an intense first couple of days, we shifted focus and mentality to the concept of self-care in the midst of taking on a world of poverty and injustice. Though our remaining days are still packed, there is now some actual free time built into the schedule to reflect, process, bond, and play as needed.

Before program activities even began, a few of us took advantage of a good self-care option offered by this interfaith community: a Quaker meeting. Some had been to this kind of worship before; I was among the many who had not. While the typical Quaker meeting lasts 45 minutes to an hour, our leader Kitty made this special service a half hour to ease us into the Quaker tradition of sharing that time in communal silence and reflection. I was probably among the majority in worrying how in the world we could sit through a half hour in dead silence, and especially focusing our thoughts and reflections for that long, but somehow the time went by much quicker than expected. It was beautiful to experience another way to connect with spirituality and feel so close to God as we sat in a circle in a circular room with an array of large glass panes to the greenery outside, all the while a gentle thunderstorm surrounding us. My thoughts may have wandered, but they had not really had the space or freedom to wander much in the last few days, so this experience really was calming.

A few things on my mind the last few days:
- I have learned so much more about the Presbyterian denomination than I ever had before! I adore my home church community and so respect its progressive, inclusive, justice-driven mission, but I was unaware that other church communities existed like that around the country and that our denomination (at least the PC(USA), I can't speak for all Presbyterian churches, obviously), seems to embrace those characteristics as well. There are some traditions, however, that many of those in the room who have grown up Presbyterians are accustomed to that are foreign to me, such as "passing the peace" and some phrases said back to the worship leader during the service. I'm also thankful for having been exposed to more Presbyterian stereotypes through a YouTube video my small group leader had us watch, taking youth retreats and inclusive language to a parodied extreme - quite entertaining!

- "Did you leave a special someone back in Minnesota?"
Now, normally when I guy I just met asks me this question in such a forward manner, I would take it at exactly that, forward. But I could indeed answer, "Yes, I unfortunately had to leave my boyfriend back in Minnesota. You?" It turns out his intention behind asking that question was completely innocuous as he answered, "Yes, I also had to leave my boyfriend." I am so thankful that he could share that so matter-of-fact with me and we could share that moment of missing the special men in our lives. And I'm so thankful that he feels he can be himself with his Presbyterian community and his new housemates, and that in this day and age, he can be accepted and not judged by Christians for loving who he loves.

- This week I am surrounded by Southern accents, and I think I am legitimately worried "ya'll" will slip into my vocabulary. But it's okay, I have my "Minnesota Nice" tshirt that I couldn't bear leaving my home state without. Exchanging cultural quirks between different regions of our crazy country and also hearing stories of why these fellow young adults were drawn to serve where they will for the next year has been fascinating and my favorite source of connection with my fellow YAVS. "Where are you from, where are you going, and why?" is a connected interrogation technique when meeting a huge group of people in a similar circumstance but who have come from perhaps different experiences, and even though I at times got overwhelmed by the idea of trying to meet each one of these people in such a short time span, I'm thankful we're all in this together and that the YAV program itself emphasized heavily the acknowledgment that we are now all family!

With Thursday's emphasis on self-care, we focused our energies on how to best invest and maintain our energies this year. The most powerful piece was presented by a YAV alum (or YAVA) who served one domestic year and then one international year. Through her joys and her struggles, she shared some of what she learned in her talk titled "Have Self, Will Give," a mixture of anecdotes and inspiring quotes. Here are a few highlights:
- "Your heart will break wide open, and it's going to hurt, but your heart will get bigger and God will do amazing things with that space."
- "We cannot do everything, and that is liberating. It allows us to do something."
- "You actually matter, and you have to take care of yourself so that you actually have love to give to others."
- Reflecting on general gender trends in service work, "Women, we do this. Men, it is so important for you to do this kind of work so people know there are good men in the world."
- "You must remain attentive, calm, and obedient to your best intuitions" - Henri Nouwen.
- "Self-care is worthy work. I am worth it. I am worth the time."

YAVs are a pretty self-selecting group of human beings usually with huge hearts for others, a passion for justice, perhaps a superhero complex, and many times a refusal to acknowledge we too have basic needs like food and sleep. We need to remember we cannot do it alone, that we cannot expect our lowly selves to take on entrenched systems of oppression, that we need to do justice to ourselves by making time to reflect and also goof off so we have enough energy to do the work we are called to do well and love others with our whole hearts. We have to be as whole as we can so we can give as much of ourselves as we can.

Part of self-care is practicing good boundaries as well - when you want to give more and more of yourself and there are still needs that can be met by you and are asked of you... sometimes it is necessary to assess what is already on your plate so you can take on those works to the best of your abilities. And sometimes, even if you have FOMO (an acronym I heard for the first time at this orientation), the Fear Of Missing Out, you may need a little "you time." I struggle with this as a natural introvert who never feels like she needs to be alone though and who always defaults to spending time with people she cares about rather than doing the other optional projects like artsy things... or reflective writing. So on self-care night, while many YAVs went out on the optional bowling field trip, I set a limit and chose to write instead! I am sure bowling was a blast, but I'm thankful for that writing time as well. And here we are.

Breaking Down Barriers

Welcome to orientation in an interfaith center at Stony Point, New York! I did not get to see the beautiful grounds until my second day because I did not get in the first night until everyone was just wrapping up activities at 10:30pm, but already a couple of my Tucson sitemates had sought me out and welcomed me, as well as my adorable roommate Sarah, who was preparing to head to Northern Ireland, one of the international YAV sites. While the travel day was a long one to be sure, the upcoming days would also be brimming with new faces, amazing fresh vegetables, engaging but intensely draining sessions, small group discussions and reflection, worship and prayer, and possibly some shuteye.

Meet our group for the week! A collection of current YAVs, YAVAs (YAV Alums), and other PC(USA) and Stony Point Center leaders. (Photo credit: YAV program)

 

Here at orientation, Bible study is part of our morning routine, as we set the tone for our days with physical and then spiritual nourishment. Unlike many of my YAV brothers and sisters, formal Bible study is still a pretty foreign concept to me, and I was interested to see how this spectrum of Presbyterians would approach it. What I found jived with what I had been taught in my own academic career as well as in my family socialization and home church congregation: we must be critical thinkers! We set the tone with the circle of praxis created by Brazilian sociologist Paulo Freire: ver (to see), pensar (to think/reflect), actuar (to act), evaluar/celebrar (to evaluate/celebrate), representing an intentionality about studying the Bible that no matter how many times we read it or study the same passages, we can interpret it differently or take something different away each time, and that is okay! We are called to not only read but delve deeper, connect to the passage, research and understand the historical/social/economic context in which it was written, and connect it to our own contexts and lives, however it speaks to us. Living out the lessons you learn, the third step of "actuar," is perhaps the most important to not just me personally, but to all of us YAVs as we seek to act out our faith by working for justice. A quote our Bible study leader Rick shared was from a woman he met in Central America during his work there in the 1980's: "You have not heard the word of God until you have taken action because of it" - that we are called to not just ingest words and think of them in an academic or philosophic manner, but embody them in all we do - truly live out Jesus' teachings to love all our neighbors and to work for the kindom of God on earth.

To be in a room with so many others grappling with where they fit in the social justice world is so inspiring, and I'm thankful to be part of this! Sometimes I do feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, internalize the pain and plight of others, and get overwhelmed. And it has always been my home church that has grounded me, reminding me that there are other bleeding hearts out there, and we need to recruit more to the ranks of peacemakers so that all may thrive. To remember that I am part of something, that I'm not alone in wanting a more just world, and to see that there are other young people with drive and energy and privilege to serve others, is such a powerful part of this orientation, and I am thankful for that. I will return to that concept of privilege in a little while, because much of the first two days was spent on discussing privilege and power, topics that can be touchy but are so crucial to take on thoroughly so as to hopefully build trust and understanding with the communities in which we will be serving.

This circle of praxis is also a healthy way to approach our upcoming year of service as we live our new experiences, reflect on them, be challenged by them, act for justice, and as it gets hard and struggling against the systems of injustice is unending, take time to pause and celebrate the small victories - the incredible people we meet, feeling like we have a handle on our new geography, navigating new social customs and constructs, making even the smallest wave in the political system, or sprouting something in the neighborhood garden. Life isn't all peachy, and the work may seem unending (which social justice work really is - the end goal is to work yourself out of a job!), but lift up and celebrate the work you're doing, and then keep going!

But even before we get to where we are going, we needed Critical Cultural Competency. By that phrase, they emphasized a community-centered process, historical understanding, and appreciating a community's assets and affirmed the goals of enhanced quality of life for all, access to resources for everyone, and community partnerships.

To obtain/horde resources, make sense of our world, and whatever other reasons (cue sociological theory with which I am not well-versed), human beings have put up walls to divide us, and we began by "unveiling" those walls. "To tear down the walls, we must first tear away the veils," announced our presenters. So many important trains of thought came out of this training, but my overall reaction was that I was just happy to be back in open and critical dialogue of race/culture/ethnicity/gender identity/socioeconomic status/sexuality/privilege again. Many in the room may have been receiving this training for the first time in these moments. I was thankful for at least some exposure and some healthy discussions at Carleton, formally in the classroom, institutionally following incidents that challenged the nature of Carleton's culture and wholehearted intentions at inclusiveness and diversity, and informal conversations with other students of similar and different experiences than my own. To sum up what we learned from two amazing presenters and further broke down and discussed with our fellow YAVs, we all need to recognize that to be at this orientation and to be in this program is a privilege.

For those of you who want the actual visual reference of the "box" versus the "borderlands":

Some of us come from more privileged backgrounds than others, and some are privileged in every way that society affirms has power: white, male, upper-middle class, straight, cisgender, born here, etc., all illustrated in a permeable box our presenter drew with dichotomous characteristics outside, in a region she called "the borderlands." Some of us do not fit any of those characteristics in the box and may "fit" in the borderlands in every way. We all come from different backgrounds and different experiences, and some of us bring more box characteristics to the table than others.

But to be in the position to choose to do a year of service inherently denotes some sort of privilege, if only that you have the choice to do this program and at least the bare financial means to live off a stipend rather than seeking out the best-paying work so you can feed yourself and/or your family. We come from different places, but we are united in that we are blessed to be here. 

The bottom line is that we need each other, and we all need to be doing this work. Those in the borderlands will unfortunately never expand the inner box just by working within the borderlands, no matter how much they recognize their own power and strength. They must indeed recognize their importance and the validity of their collective histories as well as personal experiences, but those within the box must also work to expand the box and make it more inclusive. Here is where solidarity work comes in: those of us with more privilege within the social constructs in which we are operating have a greater responsibility to dispel the guilt about our position and instead be proactive about forming partnerships across the permeable lines. I cannot change that I am a white woman from a family that was financially able to provide me with resources and opportunities. But with this position I have the responsibility to perhaps use the nonthreatening "nice white lady" social construct to convince others like me and within the box that we are all better off and will have healthier communities when we start treating immigrants more like human beings worthy of inclusion and understanding in our communities!

When going into our communities of service for this next year, the most important thing will be to acknowledge that we are privileged to be there and to recognize we will not know all the effects and consequences of that privilege. We cannot live an experience other than our own, but we must walk into every situation with the intention of being humble enough to admit we do not know everything and trying to understand the circumstances and experiences of others. It takes time to feel out a new community, just as it does with new individual relationships. This sense of mission is much different than the traditional mission of seeing a need or problem with our own lens and forcing our religion, our social constructs, our own preconceived notions, and our help on others. I dearly hope we will all keep open minds and hearts to practice humble service to meet the needs of the community as they determine and call for.

Phew. That's a lot. Don't worry, we got to breathe a little bit too. (Photo credit: YAV program)

Within these two emotionally- and process-heavy days, here are more important threads of note:
- As we plainly laid out in my small group: "With great power comes great responsibility." Anyone catch the nerd reference? Spiderman.

- "Homeland" is the place that shapes us. When going to a new place, "wonderland," option 1) replicate the ideals, standards, and comforts of our homeland. Option 2) try to blend in, but everyone knows you do not belong. Or option 3) recognize that "you can never leave home" - home being the place that socialized and shaped you and is always inside of you. See what you carry with you in every context, and only then can you transform, and later become an agent of transformation. Acknowledge that this is all beyond comprehension, and see/smell/taste/listen/observe/learn.

- Much of this work requires the ability to think flexibly and to see and hold multiple perspectives as valid. Over the course of this year, different vantage points will challenge your most basic ideas and truths you thought were proven long ago. If we only see and defend our point of view rather than listen and be open to another, even if we do not agree with the other, we never allow for the possibility of the imagination being sparked, thereby allowing for creativity and evolution of thought.

- Culture is how a group of people does life together. Deep, core worldviews are lived out through lifeways (the most visible, surface-level actions such as food consumed, body art, dress, rituals) and mediated through language (which includes music, feeling, and other modes of meaning-making). Invest time in understanding the worldviews that shape a culture's lifeways!

- In a culture or society, the center inherently defines what characteristics are pushed to the borderlands. And I use that verb quite intentionally - the center pushes out what it finds weird and dangerous, or conversely exciting and exotic. The wall between the two is often reinforced as the borderlands are conquered, converted, controlled, and criminalized. Can you think of examples within U.S. society and politics? Institutions and systems are the vehicles through which those four trends are reinforced, so if we ever want to shift the balance of power, we need to think power and accountability. We are bound by the rules of the institutions, but we are responsible to advocate for others, so social justice work must figure out how to navigate the system with that understanding, as well as the understanding that while we are not all on equal footing, we all have power!

- And on a final note: "It takes two groups to break down a wall. If only one group is trying to take down that wall, that's called an invasion!" Breaking down socially constructed barriers to community work takes time, patience, listening, and mutual investment from both sides.

As we step into our new communities and new contexts next week, may we all as YAVs be mindful to listen, observe, be aware of our own privilege, and be aware that we will not always be aware of how that privilege works (hopefully you followed that!). May you, dear readers, also be mindful of the privileges you have in your own life and your social contexts, as it is all relative, but our liberation as people is bound up together:

"If you have come here to help me, you are wasting our time.
But if you have come because your liberation is bound up with mine, then let us work together."
~ Lilla Watson, Aboriginal Australian artist and leader

First Day as a YAV!

Hey there, dear readers! My apologies for cross-blogging, but I have two blogs going on and I poured out most of my recent thoughts in the other (to mainly transition to this one...), so you should check this post out first! KEMS Blessings Blog - feel free to follow that one too if you like, but I'll mainly be using this travel blog for my upcoming year of service in Tucson, Arizona! First, check out some photos of moving many of my life's possessions into storage due to the fact that my dear parentals decided to downsize out of the house I've lived in since childhood... just when I'm about to leave for a year. Needless to say, the past few days have been a little bit of craziness, but you have to keep it interesting, right? It did work alright to just pack up much of my life while making all the decisions of what I really needed/wanted (you have to ask the need versus want question a lot when you can only check two pieces of luggage to bring with you for a year) to take with me for my time in Arizona. In any event, transitions went quickly and things somehow got done, but here's some of the process! 

Dear old Dad, showing off his SpongeBob duct tape.

Getting creative with the storage space!

Hmmm, what to do next?

There were a couple more carloads to storage after this, begging the question, "How have I accumulated so many things in my time on this earth?!" And it boils down to three main threads: I've been fortunate to buy a few things in my time, I've been fortunate to be able to save many things that hold memorial value, and I've been fortunate to have been given many things to move me towards adult life - for instance, tons of hand-me-downs from grandparents and parents from various downsizing adventures.

I'm thankful for all I have been given up to this point, and I'm also thankful for all the YAV program gives us for the next year. Like a house. Hopefully stocked with kitchen supplies and whatnot. But we'll see! For now, my bags have been packed, and I have arrived successfully in Stony Point, New York, where all the Young Adult Volunteers (YAVs), do orientation together for a week before we disperse to our sites around the country and world. My checked luggage didn't quite get this far, but that's another story. I'm safe and I'm here after a long day. I was safely brought to the MSP airport, but my flight from MSP to Chicago got delayed by an hour and 20 minutes when my layover was only an hour long... So needless to say I got here a bit later than the 6pm expected time given I had a couple standby flights to try, and then they routed me to LaGuardia instead of the intended Newark, however, my bags still went to Newark... Thank goodness for a new tshirt at orientation! And also thank goodness for a young mom who ended up in the same travel situation from MSP to supposedly Newark, as we went through the whole saga together and became fast travel buddies, keeping each other in light spirits throughout the mess. When we were getting our new LaGuardia flights, she actually put me ahead of her in line, and I was the last one to get a boarding pass for the 5pm flight so she only got on standby. Due to her kindness and sacrifice, she didn't get out until the 8pm flight and she has to present at her conference in the morning. It was so wonderful to connect with her and have a companion for the craziness, and I hope that we can connect again in the future so that I can repay her kindness by doing some portrait photography with her kids!

 

And now, I'm here and ready to get oriented. The program is already so welcoming, I have a sweet roommate, and I'm ready for tomorrow! After some sleep :-) 

Until soon - hasta pronto!