Caring for the World and Caring for Oneself

After an intense first couple of days, we shifted focus and mentality to the concept of self-care in the midst of taking on a world of poverty and injustice. Though our remaining days are still packed, there is now some actual free time built into the schedule to reflect, process, bond, and play as needed.

Before program activities even began, a few of us took advantage of a good self-care option offered by this interfaith community: a Quaker meeting. Some had been to this kind of worship before; I was among the many who had not. While the typical Quaker meeting lasts 45 minutes to an hour, our leader Kitty made this special service a half hour to ease us into the Quaker tradition of sharing that time in communal silence and reflection. I was probably among the majority in worrying how in the world we could sit through a half hour in dead silence, and especially focusing our thoughts and reflections for that long, but somehow the time went by much quicker than expected. It was beautiful to experience another way to connect with spirituality and feel so close to God as we sat in a circle in a circular room with an array of large glass panes to the greenery outside, all the while a gentle thunderstorm surrounding us. My thoughts may have wandered, but they had not really had the space or freedom to wander much in the last few days, so this experience really was calming.

A few things on my mind the last few days:
- I have learned so much more about the Presbyterian denomination than I ever had before! I adore my home church community and so respect its progressive, inclusive, justice-driven mission, but I was unaware that other church communities existed like that around the country and that our denomination (at least the PC(USA), I can't speak for all Presbyterian churches, obviously), seems to embrace those characteristics as well. There are some traditions, however, that many of those in the room who have grown up Presbyterians are accustomed to that are foreign to me, such as "passing the peace" and some phrases said back to the worship leader during the service. I'm also thankful for having been exposed to more Presbyterian stereotypes through a YouTube video my small group leader had us watch, taking youth retreats and inclusive language to a parodied extreme - quite entertaining!

- "Did you leave a special someone back in Minnesota?"
Now, normally when I guy I just met asks me this question in such a forward manner, I would take it at exactly that, forward. But I could indeed answer, "Yes, I unfortunately had to leave my boyfriend back in Minnesota. You?" It turns out his intention behind asking that question was completely innocuous as he answered, "Yes, I also had to leave my boyfriend." I am so thankful that he could share that so matter-of-fact with me and we could share that moment of missing the special men in our lives. And I'm so thankful that he feels he can be himself with his Presbyterian community and his new housemates, and that in this day and age, he can be accepted and not judged by Christians for loving who he loves.

- This week I am surrounded by Southern accents, and I think I am legitimately worried "ya'll" will slip into my vocabulary. But it's okay, I have my "Minnesota Nice" tshirt that I couldn't bear leaving my home state without. Exchanging cultural quirks between different regions of our crazy country and also hearing stories of why these fellow young adults were drawn to serve where they will for the next year has been fascinating and my favorite source of connection with my fellow YAVS. "Where are you from, where are you going, and why?" is a connected interrogation technique when meeting a huge group of people in a similar circumstance but who have come from perhaps different experiences, and even though I at times got overwhelmed by the idea of trying to meet each one of these people in such a short time span, I'm thankful we're all in this together and that the YAV program itself emphasized heavily the acknowledgment that we are now all family!

With Thursday's emphasis on self-care, we focused our energies on how to best invest and maintain our energies this year. The most powerful piece was presented by a YAV alum (or YAVA) who served one domestic year and then one international year. Through her joys and her struggles, she shared some of what she learned in her talk titled "Have Self, Will Give," a mixture of anecdotes and inspiring quotes. Here are a few highlights:
- "Your heart will break wide open, and it's going to hurt, but your heart will get bigger and God will do amazing things with that space."
- "We cannot do everything, and that is liberating. It allows us to do something."
- "You actually matter, and you have to take care of yourself so that you actually have love to give to others."
- Reflecting on general gender trends in service work, "Women, we do this. Men, it is so important for you to do this kind of work so people know there are good men in the world."
- "You must remain attentive, calm, and obedient to your best intuitions" - Henri Nouwen.
- "Self-care is worthy work. I am worth it. I am worth the time."

YAVs are a pretty self-selecting group of human beings usually with huge hearts for others, a passion for justice, perhaps a superhero complex, and many times a refusal to acknowledge we too have basic needs like food and sleep. We need to remember we cannot do it alone, that we cannot expect our lowly selves to take on entrenched systems of oppression, that we need to do justice to ourselves by making time to reflect and also goof off so we have enough energy to do the work we are called to do well and love others with our whole hearts. We have to be as whole as we can so we can give as much of ourselves as we can.

Part of self-care is practicing good boundaries as well - when you want to give more and more of yourself and there are still needs that can be met by you and are asked of you... sometimes it is necessary to assess what is already on your plate so you can take on those works to the best of your abilities. And sometimes, even if you have FOMO (an acronym I heard for the first time at this orientation), the Fear Of Missing Out, you may need a little "you time." I struggle with this as a natural introvert who never feels like she needs to be alone though and who always defaults to spending time with people she cares about rather than doing the other optional projects like artsy things... or reflective writing. So on self-care night, while many YAVs went out on the optional bowling field trip, I set a limit and chose to write instead! I am sure bowling was a blast, but I'm thankful for that writing time as well. And here we are.